WTF am I thinking? (Day 1)

A friend of mine recently told me about this cleanse that he did awhile back. For a duration of 10 days, he was only allowed to drink a liquid concoction of lemons, syrup, pepper and water. Combine that with a salt water flush every morning, and BAM! you have the MASTER CLEANSE. I'm sure you've all heard of it.

And because I clearly need something to divert my attention from other areas of my life, and because I truly want to see if my will power is strong enough to do such a thing, I've decided to take the plunge.

So for the next 30 (more on why 30 and not 10, later) days, my consumption will be limited to water, lemons, water, syrup, water, cayenne pepper, tea, and water. Did I mention water? Ok, just making sure I covered it all.

Today is day 1. I wish I could get all dramatic and say something like, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life" but I won't. Because this is certainly NOT going to be the first day of the rest of my life. If things continue down the same road as they did this morning, I will not be staying on this road very long. At all.

I woke up this morning, and was all gung-ho to do my first SWF (salt water flush = 2 tsp sea salt and 1 ltr of water). After successfully making this, I took one giant swig (directions say to chug the whole thing like a beer bong) and wanted immediately spit it out. DISGUSTING. This tasted worse than feet smell.

But....I needed to power through, so I continued to chug. It just wasn't going down very well. So I stopped.

And with half a liter left, I let the stupid water bottle sit on my desk and stare at me. And I stared right on back. It was winning. Whatever. This was a battle I didn't care to win.

No, wait. What am I thinking? I don't lose! At ANYTHING!

So after consulting said friend at the beginning of this post (we'll call him Russ), he said "you've just got to down it! Don't take breaks!"

And with those words of encouragement, I trudged on. I took that stupid water bottle, headed to the sink (in case I threw up) and downed that thing that it was nobody's business. It was only a matter of minutes before this stuff took a hold of my innards. Apparently this is the stuff that "cleanses" you out. That really means you're going to be in the bathroom for the next 10 minutes, shitting out everything that you've consumed since 1998.

Lucky for me, I work from home, so I have a bathroom pretty close to my office.

Without going into too much detail, I'm pretty sure the corn on the cob I ate 5 years ago was indeed flushed out with this little endeavor.

And while I was in the bathroom, I decided that I should probably just hop in the shower. I didn't feel real clean after the explosion out of my butt, so I hopped in.

2 minutes later, I hopped back out.

No one told me that this would be a reoccurring pattern for the next 8 minutes! I was in and out of that shower 5 or 6 times.

It actually worked out really well, because I don't know if I could put my pants back on after what came out of my body during those 10 minutes.

With that morning routine out of the way, I was safe to make the actual lemonade drink. And you know, it was surprisingly pretty good.

I'm probably 3/4 done with the first liter, and about to make my second batch for the day.

I have a birthday party to go to tonight, which will be pretty hard, considering there will be food there. Probably whispering sweet nothings into my ear, but I'm going to bring earmuffs. So it'll be all right!

I weighed myself on the scale and the Wii Fit. I will update you with any losses tomorrow.

Cheers to being halfway done with Day 1!!!